Doubtful
by HornLove
Summary: "It wasn't jealousy. No, it wasn't that. I knew when I was jealous and not and I was most definitely not jealous of Leah Clearwater." Renesmee POV. Nessie/Jacob, implied Blackwater. Threeshot.
1. Preface

It wasn't jealousy. No, it wasn't that. I knew when I was jealous and not and I was most definitely not jealous of Leah Clearwater.

So what if she was tall, lean and toned? So what if her tan skin made my pale seem so unhealthy...sickly, even. I didn't care if she was beautiful. I was beautifuler. Everyone told me so. No, it wasn't that her beauty was natural, and mine was only inherited for predator purposes. No...I was still prettier.

No, it wasn't that she was better suited with Jacob than I was. It wasn't that they had a bond closer than I understood...it wasn't that he knew her before me.

It wasn't that she had an infectious smile. It wasn't that she was one of the most hardest people to impress that a general cloud of coolness clashed around her all the time, and it definitely wasn't that she had a sarcastic, no-bullshit personality that left others basking in her presence.

It had nothing to do with the fact that she even looked better with Jacob than I did; black silky hair, gorgeous tan skin, the perfect size to fit under his tall physic, the perfect height to curl in his arms...

It wasn't that she was his beta.

It was because I knew he loved her.


	2. Selfish

Every day, you would come. You would stop outside my front door, and I would jump into your arms with nothing but happiness and love. You would smile so deeply, your pearly white teeth would shine in true joy. My heart would jump at your beautiful laughter, the trees would be filled with the sound. The birds would sing with your low, manly chuckle. A deep cackle that would make my nerves run wild, that would make my eyes soar into your own. And together we wait.

But you never come alone.

I always see _her. _She would always be there standing, crossing her arms on her chest and rolling her eyes. Her beautiful, brown eyes.

You would pay no attention to her, but I always get the feeling that you are always watching her. Through the corner of your eye, I know you are.

I try not to sound immature, or too needy but I take you away from her. I may only be three, but I appear ten years old...and I am very territorial about you.

You don't seem to look at me that way, though. I crush on you, but you don't even see me that way. You think of me as a kid. You think of me as too young, but little did you know...I am in love with you. And you don't even know it.

She loves you too, you know. I can see it in her eyes. I can see when she looks at you. But maybe it's just me being paranoid. You can never really decipher Leah Clearwater's monotone eyes. I could be mistaking her love for you, with disgust for me...

But I mustn't lay back. I must fight for you. Because you are mine. Fate deemed you mine. And I want you. I will not share.

So I whisper to you, and tell you to come with me...I tell you to run away from me. I tell you to run away from her. But you only laugh and repeat what I say to her. She only grunts, and you smile at her for five seconds before you look at me.

Leah then leaves. I knew one thing about her. She didn't stay if she didn't feel welcome. Leah didn't feel welcome. She shouldn't. I didn't want her here anyway.

And even though I have you all to myself, the cloud of uncertainty is always around.

I remain doubtful


	3. Unsure

I was 7 years old, and was only months away from my full maturity. Jacob had spent his time with me, most of the days, and I fell in love with him even more. And even though I still felt weary of Leah, I now know that he loves me the most.

And even when I say that, a pit of uncertainty fills my stomach.

How could I believe that, when she was with him as much of the time as I was? She wears next to nothing, and I always see her walking next to him. I always see him whispering in her ear. I always see them leaned towards each other, and though I like to believe they discuss pack business... I always see them bickering or laughing at something stupid. I feel left out and want to join in on the joke.

Sometimes I make a fool of myself and try to steal him away, but he's always with Leah. Beautiful, perfect Leah.

I know it is insane to be jealous of Leah Clearwater's looks...but how could I not? She was naturally perfect. And that was the word. _Natural_. I wasn't naturally beautiful. I was only this way because of my vampire side. I was only this way top prey on innocent. That killed me.

So who would he choose, the russet curled half-vamp or the sexy shape-shifting beta? I'd like to think because of the imprint, he'd choose me...but sometimes I don't know.

And one day, Leah came and set the record straight.

"I don't want him," She nearly growled

"What?" I attempted to keep my eyes innocent, but I knew very well what she was talking about.

"Don't play stupid, Renesmee" Her nose twisted in response "We all know your Bella's child, but please save me some time and cut the bullshit"

I sniffed "I honestly have no clue,"

"You do." she said, simply "You do. And I just want to make it clear to you; I don't want him. I don't love him. I never did. He's all yours. So you can quit being a jealous bitch and shut the fuck up. He loves you. Never doubt that"

And before I could respond, she turned away and ran in the other direction. And even though her words came out all sure and sweet, I knew she was lying.

And I was still very doubtful.


	4. Forever Doubtful

And this should be the happiest day of my life.

But I can't help but feel guilty.

It's the day I will be joined forever in the hands of Jacob Black...the love of my life, the man I trust myself to be with, for the rest of my existence on earth.

And as the paster pronounces us husband and wife, I look forward towards the skyline of our beach wedding, and catch your eyes.

Quickly, I turn around and meet the eyes of my husband and smile deeply.

And somewhere, from your direction, I hear a snort. It takes all my will power to keep from scowling back at you...but I know you were right, all along.

And the forced smile will remain on my face for the years to come.

To this day, Leah Clearwater...I will always be doubtful of Jacob's love for me. I will always doubt our union. I will always doubt him because, he was forced to love me. I know if he had a choice, Leah...he would have chosen you.

And to this day, I will always be doubtful.


End file.
